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PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 6:51 pm 
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The guy from TN still gets $700, only $300 less. A good 70% of the share of the others.













:P

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 1:30 pm 
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Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes and says: “Nice pigs, sir.”

The President replies “These are not pigs…these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi.”

The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes and says, ”Excellent trade, sir.”

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 2:55 pm 
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An archaeological team, digging in Washington DC , has uncovered 10,000 year old bones and fossil remains
of what is believed to be the first Politician.

Image

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 7:24 am 
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Labbie wrote:
An archaeological team, digging in Washington DC , has uncovered 10,000 year old bones and fossil remains
of what is believed to be the first Politician.

Image


Hmmm...I'm thinking they have his head upside down as he looks to be crowning...

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 9:58 pm 
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2009 9:03 pm 
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Pending legislation AWNAA

Washington, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

‘Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,’ said California Senator Barbara Boxer. ‘We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.’

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement warehouse stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million ‘middle man’ positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, ‘Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?’

‘As a Non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,’ said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her inability to remember “Righty-Tighty, Lefty-Loosey.” ‘This new law should be real good for people like me,’ Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durban (D-IL): ‘As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2009 9:14 pm 
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After numerous rounds of “We don’t know if Osama is still alive”, Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message:

370HSSV-0773H

Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.

With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help. Within a few seconds the Marines cabled back with this reply: “Tell Kennedy he’s holding the message upside down.”

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2009 9:27 pm 
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A little boy wanted a bicycle very badly, but was told he couldn't have it because it would cost $100, and the family just didn't couldn't afford that in this bad economy.

He prayed for weeks, but nothing happened, so he decided God just couldn't hear his tiny little voice, so he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter to "God, USA", they decided to send it to the President. And sure enough, it was one of the sample letters that reached President Obama's inbox.

The president was so touched that he put a $5 bill in the envelope and sent it to the little boy. The president thought that this would appear to be a lot of money to such a young child.

The little boy was delighted with the $5 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God:

Dear God,

Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington D.C., and those damned Democrats took $95 in taxes.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:41 am 
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 5:57 am 
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Contradiction.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 7:44 am 
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Sarge_II wrote:
Contradiction.


I'll say... :smt011

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 1:05 am 
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 2:58 am 
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Labbie wrote:
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Nope.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 5:37 am 
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Swing and a miss Labbie. :smt011

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 3:05 pm 
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Batter up?

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 11, 2009 10:00 pm 
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Tax Alert!

Snopes does not list this as “false”, but you still might want to check this out with the IRS and/or your Senators and Representatives.

Income taxes are normally due on April 15th unless that date falls on a Saturday or Sunday, in which case they are due on Monday the 16th or 17th.

However, I have been told that rule has recently been changed for this and for at least the next 4 years, tax payments will not be due until you are nominated for a cabinet position.

Please check with your Tax adviser to confirm!

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 11, 2009 10:10 pm 
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Now that one was a hit.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 13, 2009 2:14 am 
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 13, 2009 2:20 am 
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Hit so hard it hurt.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 19, 2009 1:24 pm 
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 22, 2009 8:46 pm 
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Three dead bodies turn up over the weekend, all with very big smiles on their faces. Monday morning, the coroner calls the homicide chief to tell him of the weekend's events.

The Coroner tells the Inspector, "First body is a 72-year-old Frenchman. He died of heart failure while with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile."

"Makes sense," the detective says, scribbling some notes.

"The second body is an Irishman, 25 years of age. He won ten thousand dollars on the lottery and spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

"Got it," the Inspector said. "What of the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, 66, struck by lightning."

"Well, why the heck is she smiling, then?" inquires the Inspector.

"Tragic," the coroner said. "She thought she was having her picture taken."

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 1:59 pm 
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The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Vote for Obama' hat and a 'Save the Trees' t-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers with 'Go Sarah' t-Shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. 'I give you my blessing for your brave actions!' he told them. 'I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true.'

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies 'Who was that guy?'

'It was the Pope,' another replied. 'He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom.'

'Well,' the logger said, 'he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?'

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 6:25 am 
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A rather funny look back at Bush's first 100 days as we prepare for the media to fumble at describing Obama's first 100 days...

Obama's First 100 Days: What To Expect From The Media

As you know, tomorrow is an important day for America: the 100th day of Barack Obama's presidency. This is an important milestone for the media, who really do not often get the opportunity to prove their mettle when it comes to complicated tasks, such as "using a calendar" and "counting to one hundred." Tomorrow, they shall demonstrate this, utterly. And the White House will be playing along, broadcasting a special news conference, where reporters will take the president to task for not solving all of America's problems in the first 6.84462696% of his presidency, and wonder whether or not it will impact the President as a referendum during the off-year elections, coverage of which begins Thursday, pending the availability of Nate Silver's calculator.

Anyway, this One Hundred Day milestone is going to be a Thing That's Talked About, no doubt Gravely. And I was wondering what I might expect from tomorrow's coverage, besides the return, maybe, of CNN's holograms -- I'm sorry ... I meant CNN's fourth-place award-winning holograms! As it turns out, Media Matters collected a bunch of quotes from the last time the press ran through their 100 Days tradition, and, if things stay true to form, I would look for the press to bring their A-game tomorrow, provided that by "A-game," you mean some combination of cluelessness and vapidity!

A child's garden of the first 100 Days Of Bush reactions:

Quote:
New York Times editorial: "In his unscripted public performances, Mr. Bush has seemed clumsy and amateurish by the standards of the four presidents mentioned above. But his sunny self-confidence, even his penchant for bankers' hours and long weekends, seems to sit well with many Americans. It is a relief, they seem to be saying, to have a president who is not so tiring and omnipresent as Mr. Clinton."


From the paper of record, all the soft bigotry of low expectations that is fit to print. This would become a theme!

Quote:
Morton Kondracke, Roll Call: "In 100 days, President Bush has, as promised, changed the tone in Washington. It's businesslike now, not boisterous. We're doing policy, not soap opera. And the public seems to like it. Instead of Bill Clinton's bifurcated poll ratings -- high job approval, low personal favorability -- Bush's are in sync. More than 60 percent of the public both approves of his performance and likes him personally. This is pretty remarkable, given that he lost the popular vote last November, he became president after a bitter recount fight and the economy is soft. ... Bush may be the beneficiary of low expectations."


Strange. As the expectations kept getting lower and lower, the benefits really started to dry up, didn't they?

Quote:
Joseph Curl, Washington Times: "[T]he presidential candidate who pundits said lacked the skills and knowledge necessary to run the country has deftly handled an international crisis, increased his approval rating to 63 percent -- eight points higher than former President Bill Clinton enjoyed after his first 100 days -- and returned dignity to a White House stained by his predecessor."


See what he did there? The big takeaway is JIZZ. JIZZ left all over the White House. It shouldn't take 100 days to clean that up, though! Just hit those carpets with some shampoo, or if you want to be thorough, steam clean them. That'll get that baby batter out!

Quote:
William Safire, New York Times: "Bush succeeded in his 100 days in not being Clinton. Not being Clinton is a big step forward."


Wow. My personal land speed record of not being Bill Clinton is well under four seconds. Should we marvel at the fact that it took Bush a hundred days to do that?

Quote:
Bill Sammon, Washington Times: "Polls show most Americans have closed ranks behind the new president, a trend that has heartened Mr. Bush. ... Many observers believe Mr. Clinton's last-minute flurry of pardons to felons has made Mr. Bush appear more honorable by comparison. The new president seems eager to capitalize on that perception."


That's Bill Sammon, elucidating the upside to pardoning felons.

Quote:
Fred Barnes: "Bush's 100 days, what have we learned about him that is the best so far? His style. Now, I think he's a perfect man of the times. His laid-back style fits the mood of the country."


Yeah, it was sort of when America realized it needed something more than a Chillaxer-In-Chief that everything started going terribly wrong.

Quote:
David Brooks: "I give him an A overall. You know, he's a normal president. After Florida that was not inevitable."


Yes. Had the Florida recount turned Bush into some sort of lycanthrope or deviant, he might have had to hand out a B-plus, or something.

Quote:
New York Daily News editorial: "As one man in the street explained, 'We've gone 100 days without a new scandal. That alone is an achievement.'"


New York City, home to America's largest Sliding Scale For Achievement.

Quote:
Robert George, New York Post: "I think he's done a very good job and in the sense of actually setting a tone. When you think that Bush campaigned on changing the tone in Washington and so forth, I think he's done -- I think he's done quite well. In a sense, we've gone -- we've gotten a to like a return to normalcy from the 'Perils of Pauline' presidency of Bill Clinton's. So I think in that sense, in that sense I think he's done very, very well."


Give Bush credit, in the first one hundred days, he did not tie any damsels to railroad tracks for failure to pay their rent.

Quote:
Chris Matthews, MSNBC: "When you look at a young guy in there, a young president, by relative terms, doing a pretty good job, passing some of the tests people have laid out for him, keeping things together, do you wish you were there?"


I think it's important to remember that Chris Matthews is just always this strange.

Quote:
Mara Liasson, National Public Radio: "Yes, and I also think the other thing that has helped him is low expectations. That's been a theme of his entire career."


See, by overlooking the soft bigotry, Liasson is being classically counterintuitive.

Anyway, as it turns out, the first hundred days of a presidency tends to not be very predictive of the remaining 1360. However, I think that based upon the performance we've seen from the media so far, we can make a few easy predictions about tomorrow. A lot of people will suggest that Obama was awfully naive to believe he could fix everything in 100 days. Someone will say, "Where's the change?" Others will say, "He inherited a mess from George W. Bush." You'll hear a lot of people talk about how chastening it must be for Obama that "bipartisanship" isn't as easy as it looks, as if it were ever easy ... and as if it were ever a worthwhile goal. Grades will be handed out, and they'll be predictable to the point of absurdity.

The one thing no one will note is what a terrible job Obama has done at deconstructing the Bush White House's vision of unitary executive power -- with its attendant wiretappings and state secrets -- because it wouldn't have been constructed in the first place if the press hadn't overseen its construction with cult-like fealty. And you won't hear calls for torture prosecutions, because who will the political press party with if all their friends end up in jail?

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 1:06 am 
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Well, Obie said they wouldn't buzz NY for any more photo ops, but this morning in St Louis was another matter...

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PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2009 4:29 am 
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PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2009 4:33 am 
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PostPosted: Mon May 04, 2009 12:18 am 
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Start at the bottom and work your way up.

From The Onion

DAY 100: Everything all fixed.

DAY 99: President Obama is relieved to find out that no one really pays attention to a president's second 100 days in office.

DAY 98: An ear of corn wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, "Vilsack!!"

DAY 97: Obama falls victim to the so-called "black presidents' curse," which holds that every African-American president will stub his toe trying to walk to the bathroom in the early morning hours of his 97th day in office.

DAY 96: President Obama gets halfway through a 4-page letter on his desk before realizing it was for Barack Obama of Spokane, WA.

DAY 95: President Obama furiously asks Cabinet who unlocked Sakura on his Street Fighter IV save file.

DAY 94: Homeless man and Obama doppelgänger Tom Banks meets the president outside a D.C. restaurant and convinces him to secretly trade places for a week, a decision Obama will come to rue.

DAY 93: Taking his cue from President Obama's $800 billion stimulus bill, HUD Secretary Shaun Donovan goes on a spending spree not seen since the days of Caligula.

DAY 92: Secretary of Energy Steven Chu converts self into a sentient ball of energy.

DAY 91: Rahm Emanuel takes a deep breath, counts to 10, and reminds himself that it's not the envelope's fault.

DAY 90: Although he disagrees with many of his predecessor's policies, President Obama has to admit Bush left behind a pretty sweet home entertainment system.

DAY 89: To make up for missing the Opening Day first pitch, President Obama closes out the ninth for the Nationals.

DAY 88: White House senior adviser David Axelrod has to rush home to Chicago when he suddenly realizes he left his car in a two-hour parking zone in January.

DAY 87: Without alerting the president or anyone on his staff, White House counsel Greg Craig secretly decides to zone out for an entire day's worth of meetings.

DAY 86: Michelle Obama is busy hosting a conference on education reform, so the president has to attend a state dinner alone and carry around a de la Renta gown for the press to critique.

DAY 85: President Obama was totally about to stop illegal federal wiretapping, but got distracted by this phone call and then dinner and suddenly, it was bedtime.

DAY 84: Joe Biden meets with Treasury Secretary Geithner to discuss economic policy and whether you need to pay taxes on an old suitcase full of money you happened to find in a park 15 years ago.

DAY 83: The White House Easter Egg Roll sounded really good in Obama's speeches, but the event was undermined by policy complications, partisan rancor, and the economic crisis.

DAY 82: Although the leather-bound Mark Twain collection is very nice and all, Russian President Medvedev thought he made it clear that he wanted a Predator poster signed by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

DAY 81: Al Franken sets up another game of Boggle.

DAY 80: Robert Gibbs lets a rookie reporter repeat his question a third time before savoring ripping him apart.

DAY 79: Secretary Of Transportation Ray LaHood simply wants to know which Metrorail line Secretary Of Commerce Gary Locke is blaming for his late arrival to the Cabinet meeting.

DAY 78: Hastily organizing the staff Passover seder, Rahm Emanuel informs Peter Orszag that he will sing the damned four questions whether he likes it or not.

DAY 77: During an Agriculture Department staff meeting, the tension between Secretary Tom Vilsack and a nearby ear of corn becomes unbearable.

DAY 76: Snipers on the White House roof watch the NCAA Championship through a window on M Street.

DAY 75: The massive G20 protests that cost a man his life and British taxpayers $10 million in security are revealed to be a guerrilla marketing campaign for Cadbury Eggs.

DAY 74: Budget director Peter Orszag continues to refer to all of his policies as "Orszagian."

DAY 73: Press Secretary Gibbs stumps the entire press corps when he responds to the question “How do we know the president didn’t call for the AIG bonuses himself?” with a question of his own: “How do we know that the entire universe isn't just some sleeping dog's dream?”

DAY 72: Joe Biden accidentally drops his briefcase, which pops open to reveal a comb, a tube of Binaca, and a dog-eared copy of Oui.

DAY 71: The president exculpates Harrisburg, PA native Raymond La Forge during the traditional "pardoning of the fool" for April Fools’ Day.

DAY 69: In a drawn-out mating ritual, Eric Shinseki frantically chases a female Shinseki around the White House until, sufficiently impressed, the female acquiesces.

DAY 68: WhiteHouse.gov administrators clear out nine people still hanging around in the online town hall.

DAY 67: Obama helps out coworker by taking a shift at the White House gift shop.

DAY 66: White House Chef Cristeta Comerford gives a blank, puzzled stare when Biden asks for 'Eggs Biden.'

DAY 65: Following a state dinner, Obama lets the U.S. Marine Band know their soul version of "Hail to the Chief" will not be necessary.

DAY 64: Democratic fundraiser Wade Randlett thought he would be important enough to garner a meeting with the President during his trip to the White House, but is instead only given an uncomfortable ten minute face to face with Secretary of Labor Hilda Solis's wayward brother Hector.

DAY 63: Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsak wakes suddenly at 3 a.m. in a cold sweat screaming, "Corn!"

DAY 62: A sweaty, out-of-breath Joe Biden bursts into a Cabinet meeting to inform everyone that if a big guy named Ivan comes around looking for him, he "ain't here."

DAY 61: Chris Dillard of Bethesda, MD, receives the first new job under Obama's stimulus plan, being tasked with flipping the numbers on the White House scoreboard every time a new job is created.

DAY 60: Obama spends most of the day on the roof of the White House cleaning the gutters in order to teach his daughters a lesson about something or another.

DAY 59: A temporary lull in the White House's efforts to push legislation through Congress leaves the GOP dangerously close to being forced to decide what its beliefs and solutions for the country are.

DAY 58: Rahm Emmanuel sends out a memo forbidding any more graphical depictions of what a billion dollars in stacked $1 bills looks like.

DAY 57: Secret service agent Ted Scharpling stumps fellow agent Neal Vianna when he asks Vianna what he would do if Michelle Obama came at the president with a modified Glock 19 automatic.

DAY 56: To mark St. Patrick's Day, most of the White House staff wears green, except for Joe Biden, who never makes it into work.

DAY 55: Several weeks after reportedly being bit by a sheep dog, Eric Holder transforms into the shaggy attorney general at a critical moment during a press conference.

DAY 54: Obama's personal aide Reggie Love informs The New York Times that he's changed a lot since his May 27, 2008, profile and suggests they do a follow-up.

DAY 53: White House luncheon guests share a moment of awkwardness when someone says, "Madame, first lady," and both Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama turn around.

DAY 52: After refusing to take some of his state's stimulus money due to disagreements with the bill, Mississippi governor Haley Barbour wakes up to another burning tire on his lawn.

DAY 51: Reaching a milestone common for new presidents, Obama spends the afternoon seeing who is the most important person he can get on the phone in under five minutes.

DAY 50: While wandering the East Wing, Obama finds a really cool cobwebby room everyone had forgotten about for 125 years.

DAY 49: After hanging around for weeks and just watching from outside the White House fence, Sen. Harry Reid is finally invited to play in Barack Obama's pickup basketball game.

DAY 48: A trench-coat-wearing Wolf Blitzer is briefly detained by Secret Service agents after he is caught shoplifting three Mad magazines and a bottle of Dr Pepper from the White House gift shop.

DAY 47: Not wanting to sound too show-offy, White House Cabinet secretary Chris Lu tells a stranger at a Washington party that he "works in government."

DAY 46: A woman named Candi interrupts a Cabinet meeting to borrow $20 from Joe Biden for cigarettes.

DAY 45: A Treasury Department intern gets the lucky task of determining who lives and who dies today.

DAY 44: For the third time this week, press secretary Robert Gibbs peeks his head through the Oval Office door to let President Obama know that he's going on a Baskin-Robbins run.

DAY 43: Although everyone hopes the Minnesota senatorial race is decided quickly, Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH) is getting pretty accustomed to putting her feet up on Norm Coleman’s old seat.

DAY 42: White House landlord Albert Grabowski isn't going to fix the damn radiator, and as far as those pipes go, that's not his problem either.

DAY 41: Sixteen hours and 25 cups of coffee into a Treasury Dept. strategy session, Tim Geithner proposes nationalizing CitiGroup, Bank of America, all nine seasons of Seinfeld, toast, Albania, and the third law of thermodynamics.

DAY 40: President Obama forwards the link to the new Star Trek movie trailer to the entire staff. Again.

DAY 39: The Obamas sit silently around their Camp David dining table because Malia forgot to pack Scattergories.

DAY 38: Uruguayan Ambassador left in blue room all day.

DAY 37: The West Wing staff enjoys two dozen boxes of Nilla Wafers courtesy of Nabisco after Obama mentions them in a speech.

DAY 36: Realizing there are 489 people working in the West Wing, Rahm Emanuel tells his secretary to stop buying cupcakes for everybody's birthday.

DAY 35: Negotiations between the House and Senate versions of the DC Voting Rights bill nearly break down when Senator Arlen Specter insists on keeping his doodle of a three-legged pony in the bill.

DAY 34: During a difficult moment of a televised address, President Obama debuts the evil-looking sock puppet that will speak on all unpopular matters from now on.

DAY 33: President Obama still hasn't updated his Twitter account, leaving millions of tweeple tweet-deprived for over a month.

DAY 32: Vice-President Joe Biden curses HotGunner79 for outbidding him at last minute on 1970's Navy bomber jacket.

DAY 31: White House Intern David Kimball decides delivering memos to Robert Gibbs counts as "managing critical White House messaging initiatives key to furthering the president's agenda."

DAY 30: At 3 a.m., President Obama sends Judd Gregg a group photo of his Cabinet, just so he knows what he's missing.

DAY 29: A nervous Canada accidentally offers to be annexed during Obama's first foreign visit.

DAY 28: Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner's wife has taken to calling him the Trillion Dollar Man during sex.

DAY 27: Interior Secretary Ken Salazar is still feeling out the White House policy on nudity.

DAY 26: After receiving the fifth gift of its kind in as many weeks, Obama half-heartedly nails another African mask to the Oval Office wall.

DAY 25: Obama enjoys a quiet, candlelight dinner with Michelle and South Korean Prime Minister Han Seung-soo.

DAY 24: President Obama asks the visiting Estonian president if he wouldn't mind pretending to be Vladimir Putin for a second so he can practice for the Russian prime minister's big visit tomorrow.

DAY 23: Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano awkwardly enters the Oval Office while President Obama is doing his Napolitano impersonation.

DAY 22: President Obama asks aides to alert him immediately if the Mutant Registration Act is introduced in Congress.

DAY 21: For the third time, the Joint Chiefs of Staff ask President Obama not to leave fantasy miniatures on war map.

DAY 20: Joe Biden clears his schedule to oversee the installation of four video poker machines in the Naval Observatory.

DAY 19: After a tense afternoon holed up in the Situation Room, President Obama finally locates that old pack of Lyndon Johnson's Benson & Hedges.

DAY 18: In one of many historic firsts, Barack Obama becomes the first black president to TiVo MythBusters.

DAY 17: Hillary Clinton meets with Haitian president René Préval, who demands U.S. provide Haiti a sandwich by 2010.

DAY 16: Obama's "First 100 Days Dilbert Desk Calendar" still on day five.

DAY 15: Eighty-eight-year-old Justice John Paul Stevens informs the Obama administration of his decision to die in office, effective Mar. 1.

DAY 14: Taco Tuesday

DAY 13: President Obama meets with Vermont governor Jim Douglas and is saddened to find that he is not the creator of Garfield.

DAY 12: A nice little lazy Sunday for the president. Maybe read a book, watch a movie, whatever.

DAY 11: Director of the White House Office of Management and Budget reads former director of the White House Office of Management and Budget's memoirs.

DAY 10: Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Donovan wonders if they mean "urban" like "city" or "urban" like "black."

DAY 9: Impressionist Rich Little sits in a bathrobe on the floor of his one-bedroom apartment trying to figure out how to say "I am not a crook" like Barack Obama.

DAY 8: Rahm Emanuel's "open door" policy is severely tested by political director Patrick Gaspard's repeated claims that someone is taking Splenda packets from the jar on his desk.

DAY 7: After figuring out a comprehensive solution for the economic crisis in a dream, President Obama issues an executive order requisitioning a fleet of freight liners and 147,000 tons of eggplant.

DAY 6: Joe Biden spends the day sitting on a couch in the Oval Office, saying he "just wants to watch."

DAY 5: Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack spends another day worried that his unanimous confirmation means people have forgotten what a hell-raiser he was as mayor of Mount Pleasant, IA.

DAY 4: Former treasury secretary Henry Paulson is discovered sleeping next to the boiler in the White House basement.

DAY 3: Obama takes a few minutes to fill out the change of address card for his Popular Mechanics subscription.

DAY 2: Suddenly everyone in the Roosevelt Room looks around and realizes: yes, this will be the seating arrangement for the next four years.

DAY 1: In one of his first acts as president, Obama begins the process of closing down the CIA prisons that he knows about.

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God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired, “Where have you been?”

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, “What is it?”

”It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put life on it.. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a place to test Balance.”

“Balance?” inquired Michael, “I’m still confused.”

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. “For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I’ve placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things.”

God continued pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”

The Archangel , impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land area and said, “What’s that one?”

“That’s Washington State , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes,
forests, hills, and plains. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of aircraft and software.”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, “But what about balance, God? You said there would be
balance.”

God smiled, “There’s another Washington. Wait till you see the idiots I put there.”

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Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico .

This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born: Albert A. Gore, Jr..Hillary Rodham, John F. Kerry, William J. Clinton, Howard Dean, Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein, Charles E. Schumer and Barbara Boxer.

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep and jackasses?

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In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress.
-John Adams

‘If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.’
-Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself.
-Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
-Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
- George Bernard Shaw

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
-G Gordon Liddy

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
-James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
-Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
-Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free!
-P.J. O’Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
-Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you!
-Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
-Mark Twain (1866)

Talk is cheap…except when Congress does it.
-Unknown

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-Winston Churchill

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
-Mark Twain

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
-Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

There is no distinctly American criminal class … save Congress.
-Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
-Edward Langley, Artist (1928 – 1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
-Thomas Jefferson

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Labbie wrote:
Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico .

This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born: Albert A. Gore, Jr..Hillary Rodham, John F. Kerry, William J. Clinton, Howard Dean, Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein, Charles E. Schumer and Barbara Boxer.

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep and jackasses?



Call it like it is

http://www.snopes.com/politics/humor/roswell.asp

BTW a Jackass is a donkey...not a mule which is a female horse bred with a male donkey...which by the way are all infertile males and mostly infertile females...or a jackass is just the person that wrote that joke to begin with.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mule

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 4:38 am 
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Dark Angel wrote:
Labbie wrote:
Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico .

This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born: Albert A. Gore, Jr..Hillary Rodham, John F. Kerry, William J. Clinton, Howard Dean, Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein, Charles E. Schumer and Barbara Boxer.

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep and jackasses?



Call it like it is

http://www.snopes.com/politics/humor/roswell.asp

BTW a Jackass is a donkey...not a mule which is a female horse bred with a male donkey...which by the way are all infertile males and mostly infertile females...or a jackass is just the person that wrote that joke to begin with.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mule


Methinks a nerve has been struck...why do you think I posted it in the humor section? I knew it wasn't true.

Grow a sense of humor.

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Labbie wrote:
Dark Angel wrote:
Labbie wrote:
Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico .

This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born: Albert A. Gore, Jr..Hillary Rodham, John F. Kerry, William J. Clinton, Howard Dean, Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein, Charles E. Schumer and Barbara Boxer.

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep and jackasses?



Call it like it is

http://www.snopes.com/politics/humor/roswell.asp

BTW a Jackass is a donkey...not a mule which is a female horse bred with a male donkey...which by the way are all infertile males and mostly infertile females...or a jackass is just the person that wrote that joke to begin with.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mule


Methinks a nerve has been struck...why do you think I posted it in the humor section? I knew it wasn't true.

Grow a sense of humor.


LMAO...I think you missed the point completely. :smt043

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 9:13 pm 
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You were making a point? I thought you were just mocking this like you do everything you don't like or understand.

The fact of it is, you missed the point...IT'S A JOKE!!!

It doesn't need to be debunked; I honestly find it hard to believe that Snopes actually put a page up about it.

And as for your (incorrect) donkey/jackass/mule point, if you have a mule ranch (a place that raises mules) you have to have the basic ingredients - horses and, wait for it, donkeys (jackasses). So it stands that a "mule ranch" would have all three animals close at hand - donkeys, horses, and mules - making the punchline possible.

But the main thing is - IT'S A JOKE!!!!

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